Giorni Dispari
by MerlinStar
Summary: Arthur's reflections about how his friendship with Merlin has changed.  Oneshot, set soon after 3x09.  Can be read as friendship or slash.


**A/N I wrote this because, as much as I'm enjoying Series 3 of **_**Merlin**_**, I feel the writers have let the Merlin/Arthur friendship deteriorate to continue with other parts of the legend and it frustrates me. Also, I haven't written anything in ages! **

**This is set shortly after 3x09 and the title means 'Odd Days' – it comes from a beautiful song by Ludovico Einaudi.**

**Thanks to Loopstagirl for the advice! (: I really appreciate reviews. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Merlin**_** or any of the characters. **

Giorni Dispari 

Arthur ran a distracted hand through his hair, sighing painfully. Just... he couldn't understand it. Surely he hadn't treated the boy all that badly? Admittedly he'd used Merlin as a vent for his anger numerous times, never really considering how his servant might feel because of it. He'd thrown things at him now and then, but it was ridiculous the way Merlin had reacted.

As a prince, Arthur was often considered insensitive to the feelings of others, and honestly preferred it that way. The detachment that royalty offered meant the prince tended to hide his feelings in the shadows, leaving them to gather dust and barely glancing back as cobwebs were strewn over past anguishes and fears. He never wanted to discuss them.

The only emotion he was truly battling with constantly was a lack of acceptance, and yet, through all of the prince's façades, his servant had picked up on that and somehow helped heal it a little. The bond between them was at first fragile but as Arthur began to realise that his servant was determined to respect a _person_ and do away with the title, things changed. Their relationship – friendship? – brought something to his life he'd never felt before; it gave him small, positive vibes of energy. The quirk of his manservant's eyebrow, that happy-go-lucky grin or some playful insult, it wasn't a big thing but all the same drove him forwards when he felt he'd failed his father, his kingdom, his people.

And so the banter and gradual acceptance of differences had continued over the past few years, albeit these were some of the toughest in the young prince's life. As he entered adulthood, Uther's expectations only seemed to increase, and the recent loss of Morgana wore heavy on them both. Even after she had returned to the kingdom, to great celebrations, he had seen a change in his father. Something told Arthur that while had had succeeded in his duty there were those who continued to lack faith in him. Yet Merlin had never been one of those. His belief in the prince continued to hold strong despite Arthur's inability to understand why.

It replayed yet again in Arthur's head, the scene where Merlin had handed him his sword and told how he trusted in the prince's future. Arthur had scorned that comment immediately – it just felt instinctual to do so – but when he looked again at Merlin he knew there was a deeper respect there than either could really explain.

As life's rhythms settled down and the months spanned out, Arthur, to his surprise, sensed that something in him had begun to fade. Initially, he hadn't considered it to be their bond, as Merlin had always been there at his side through any quest, practice session or hunting trip. As far as Arthur could tell, nothing had changed there.

So he eventually figured the change must have been in Merlin. Although the teasing was still there it often seemed more forced now; perhaps the past events had taken their toll more than he knew. The boy had certainly aged with the threats of execution he'd faced, the increasingly frequent arguments between him and Gaius, the loneliness he displayed. Trivial things as far as the prince had been concerned. Why should the odd disagreement or moment of selfishness from his master bother him so much?

Yet nowadays they were much less open with each other. Merlin had clearly not wanted to tell him what was wrong at that target practice session a few weeks back. Then, when Arthur had punched him on the arm in an – admittedly feeble – attempt to cheer him up, the boy's expression had been wounded. Why? He was treating his servant like one of his knights, something Merlin had surely picked up on. The boy was pathetic at practice but Arthur didn't know why being used for it had upset him so much. After all, he was for all the respect he received, still a servant.

And then... things had slowly waned further away until that day came. That day when Merlin told him, to his face, that he was considering leaving the job. A stunned silence was all the reply his servant got as the prince turned and allowed him to leave silently.

Arthur couldn't see a way onwards anymore. Just _what_ had changed so suddenly?


End file.
